9700 days approx.....

                                       9700 days approximately, I have lived through these many days till now. “9700 days” when I look at it in terms of a numerical figure associated with days, month’s and years it seems like a long long time, but out of these many days there are very few days  I remember.

                                               I remember the day and the feeling that I had in me when I rode my own first bicycle, the day when I lost my bicycle, the day when I knew I love gazing clouds, the day when I met with an accident on my first bike, the day when I forgot myself while playing piano, the day when I bought my guitar, the day when I was all alone on a mountain top sitting on my bike watching the sun set, the day when  for the first time I enjoyed watching the sun rise.

                                           There is nothing like watching the orange colored rays of the sun gracing the mellow clouds making it look like golden cottons scattered across the sky and there is nothing like hearing the sweet sound of the cool morning breeze and the birds chirping across the hills.

                                           I remember the day when I challenged the guts of a union guy who tried to intimidate me and I remember the day when I sat in silence under a big banyan tree in a village. I know that I might sound like a big boring person for some people, I also know that they feel that way because they don’t see what I see in the sun when it rises and they cant understand the way that I feel about the cool morning breeze and birds chirping. I don’t blame them for that, but they might argue sarcastically that the sky and the sun has always been the same for millions of years and it will be same for many more millions of years, what’s so lovely and wonderful about something which is always the same?, I would like to tell just one thing to them “the sunrise that I saw yesterday is not the same as the one that I will see tomorrow”.

                                       I too have had my own fair shares of crushes but they have never lasted beyond a day or two, I don’t know why but girls the second time when I look at them they don’t look as attractive as they were during the first time.  I think that might be the reason why I have never really got a chance to feel the way the Romeos of the past felt and the Romeos of the present feel.

                                     In these 9700 days I remember very few days, some are perched with good memories and some are with bad memories but all those days which I remember seem so special now, they seem special because of the rest of the days which weren’t special and in that way the days which weren’t special are special too because its because of those ordinary days the other few days seems special.

Silence....

Sometimes I am overtaken by the overwhelming feeling to write, during those instances I feel an invigorating urge to write without a clue about what I want to write, and many a times in those moments the moment I switch on my laptop the neurons in my head whacks my adrenaline which makes me to go for everything that stand’s corrupted, everything that makes this world an unsafe place to live, everything that shouldn’t have ever existed, But there have been few instances where in the moment I switch on my computer a kind of silence subdues my mind, its not the silence which arises out of desperation nor it is the silence which arises because I have nothing  new to say, but it’s a kind of silence that one experiences after knowing all the answers to all the questions .  "The silence which knows all the answers to all the questions", I never knew why I used to feel that way and I never wanted to know...........

Anger With in....

There is anger in me, I don’t know why? But all I know is I am angry, so what’s the big deal many might say and that’s what I tell to myself “so what is the big deal? So does everybody in their lives”. I read once, somewhere that Anger is a state of mind and it always has a reason, I tried to conjure up a reason to match the state of anger in me but I couldn’t. some are angry because of the things that happen around them and some are angry because of the things that happen within them and some are angry because of the things that happen with them but all I know is I am angry and I don’t know why. I don’t know the reason for my anger may be because I don’t want to know or may be because there are too many reasons and I don’t want to take the trouble of identifying each one of them. I don’t know if I am angry because of the chaos that I see around me or the chaos that I don’t see happening around me, I don’t know if I am angry at people who create that chaos or at people who don’t question the reasons behind it, I don’t know if i am angry at people who are superficial or at people who make life look superficial, I don’t know if I am angry because of the people who are bad or who act good. I don’t know if I am angry at people who are angry or at people who don’t see the anger around just as I do. I don’t know, I really don’t know, I don’t know the reason for my anger may because I don’t want to create a reference to the emotion that I carry in me. I don’t want to create a reference to it because I just want it to fade away in time and I know sure it will…..